dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
