her vagine was all disorganized.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
