Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
