i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
