i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
