I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
