i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
