i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
