she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
