Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
