thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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