I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
