Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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