And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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