"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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