Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
