I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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