watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
