Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
