Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
