she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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