Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
