so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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