haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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