dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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