That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
