You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
