i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
