A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
