she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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