I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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