even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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