this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
