I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
