I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
