NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
