Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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