hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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