think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
