I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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