I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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