Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
