mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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