how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I checked into jail on foursquare
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
