i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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