Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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