I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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