Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
