Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
