he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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