dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
