so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
