You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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