I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
