My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
