Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
