That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
