So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
