So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
