this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
