You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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