He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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