i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
