I hate all girls vehemently.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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