be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
