I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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