Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
