Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
