Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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