I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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