clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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