Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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