Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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