i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had to cum in my sink.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
