Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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