That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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