i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
