So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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