i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
