I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
