yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
