then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is not my ceiling
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
