OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
