i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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