seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
