Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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