I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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