So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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